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Captain's Log. The day is Sunday December 16, 2007. This is the captain of the ship the SS Buttcrack. Ash is still an idiot and Sable still has a hot ass. These are the only things that are still normal.
I'm a father. Can you believe that? Yeah, I still don't at times either. It's fucking scary. There's mornings when I wake up, look at Bridgette from across the table at breakfast, and have a moment where I'm afraid I'm going to some how fuck up everything. The one comfort is that neither or us really know how to do this. I try. It's all I can do. There's a million and one baby books out there but try finding "What to Expect When Expecting a Teenager" and you're not going to find much. By now parents have a handle on being parents. I've been thrown in head first without the those years that allow for screwing up. On the flip side, with an already grown one, they know how to feed themselves if you forget to feed them.
Bridgette may not have been raised by me, but just looking at her, watching her, listening to her talk, I can see myself in her. There's no denying that she's mine. I think there's more of me in her than her mother. A mother that I can't remember other than the stupid name she had. Missy. Who names their child that? Her parents were idiots. It's no wonder the woman was missed up. If she had named Bridgette something like that...well there'd be another reason for me to have the woman brought back from the dead just so I can kill her.
Which brings things back to me. I can't help but feel that if maybe I had known Missy for more than a one nightstand she would have told me about Bridgette. If she had, then I know things would have been different for Bridgette. You can't change what was, only what is. I can give Bridgette what she should have had now. And I can change how I am about women.
It's always been a new night, a new woman. Sometimes more than one night, but the closet relationship I have ever had is that of fuck buddies. Don't get me wrong. Women are great. What with their long legs, supple asses, and wonderful breasts. We can't forget the breasts. One hundred and forty one years, I've had my share of women. Not once had I ever thought to have something beyond sex, or in some cases like Sable, friendship. Bridgette changed that.
Which brings us to Irene. Irene who is beautiful, sweet, smart, and funny. She's also young and way too good for me. One date turned into another and then somehow I know find myself in a real relationship. Still not sure how that happened. I'm still also not sure how to describe how I feel about it. Or Irene. It's new. Different. Terrifying. But back to her being too good for me. I'm a hard man to live with. I'm an ass. I know this. I do not deny this. I have even told her this. Yet she still stays. She's young. She should be dating someone her age. Hell she should be off having lots of babies. She's be a good a mother. Me, I'm still dealing with adjusting to having a teenager. As much as I love Bridgette, I'm not sure I'd want others. Especially of the wee kind. They cry and they poop. They poop and they cry.
I know all this, yet I can't bring myself to chase her away. I'm a selfish bastard. Another fact I know and except.
The Hell Gate is nothing compared to all this. That I know. That I can handle. The Hell Gate is also another reason I should step away from Irene. I haven't told her to protect her. Bridgette knows. Bridgette's been there. And that, that terrifies me more than anything else. Yet at the same time it's a relief. She knows. She shares my burden. It is not hers to bare but she refuses to let me bare it alone now that she knows. My daughter is a wonderful, strong person. Where as I'm a selfish bastard who should have never had laid it before her. I'm sure I mentioned the selfish bastard part earlier but I wanted to throw that in there again just to be sure.
What a wacky world we live in. The Hell Gate is quiet again, I have a daughter, I'm dating, Ash is an idiot, and Sable has a great ass. It balances things out. The world keeps on spinning.
This is your captain signing off.
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